Do you ever feel needy, hungry, cranky, insatiable and out of control or empty no matter what you get? You know the feelings well: an emptiness in the belly, a burning in the groin, or a longing in the heart. Your pulse, thoughts and energies grow from mild to wild the longer you go without the object of your desire. When Desire dominates your consciousness you will be needy, always hungry, ever on the hunt, lustful, insatiable, obsessive, addictive; you will never get enough.
Desire is just trying to do its tireless work to keep you fed and happy on all levels When you are emotional, can’t get it together, and maybe you don’t even know why you’re upset, there is most likely an unmet need behind it. You have natural needs that should and can be met; we all have a million ongoing conditions to satisfy in order to live and thrive. We are all equally needful. Being “needy” means you don’t know what you need, or can’t get what you need.
But you are self contained: you have the need, the sense to detect it and the energy to get it. These are learnable skills you may have not yet fully developed. Neither you nor the need are the problem; you can get better at taking care of yourself. Strong self-secure people have the same basic “neediness” , they are just better able to get their needs met and thus enjoy more satisfaction. I remember the first time my son could navigate food into his mouth by himself – it was a banana. It’s that same type of learning, more than luck or inherited privilege that brings success in love and money. You can learn to get what you want, but first you have to know the real need. You must know where the fire is coming from, use the right “quencher” (water works, not gas), and then still make sure you hit the fire with it. Those mistakes are easy to make, and lead to what appears to be an unquenchable fire.
Examine your behavior under the pressures you feel, seeing the immediate need and your reaction to it. Does your “busy”-ness generate anxiety in a way that drains you of energy instead of propelling to satisfaction? Do you shut down, or blame others? Do you busily pursue non-solutions?
You have to name the water to your flame, and get it there if you are going to quench it. When you feel weak, dissatisfied, or your special form of neediness, get in touch with the true Desire.
1-Stop and feel. get quiet for a while and let the sensations flow as you observe them.
2-Ask the feelings, not your mind, to get to the heart of the matter. Go deeper than the person, object or situation that started all this. Deep down there is some feeling of safety, connectedness, love or the like that you crave.
3-From that same depth see – or rather feel- what could satisfy you and fill your soul. I’ll bet you there is no limit to its availability! You can probably take care of it right their within yourself.
4-Take what you learned and do something about it. It’s your fire and you are in charge of quenching it.
We are actually all self-contained units, capable of contentment at all times.