Emotionally Liberated Blog

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More Relationship Busters: Power Struggles

 

Partnership is when two people are on the same ship, rowing in the same direction, for mutual benefit.

When getting what we want is threatened it’s easy to start rowing hard in our own direction, rowing against each other. A power struggle often develops. I’d say it is always there beneath the surface unless and until.... What is the resolution?

First, identify power struggles. Lots of arguments. Who did what to whom, or did not do what was expected, Keeping score of the same. Unless one or...

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Relationship Busters – Agree or Not Agree – That is the Question!

Agreements are the glue that helps us stick together.  The contracts of what we expect to get and to give in order to get along. Our agreements are the contracts we write to try to ensure that we get what we need. (See last week’s article on needs here.) The problem is they are seldom written but rather assumed and unspoken. That makes it an expectation. We expect a lot from our relationships and when we don’t get what we expect, what we get upset!

In fact, every conflict in a relationship comes...

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We’re All Needy! More Relationship Busters

What’s behind all those triggers we pull on each other? Test this out:

Under every fight, every fear, frustration, and sadness you have with anyone there is something you want and need that you are not getting! And the path to peace and harmony is the ability to identify and satisfy your needs in a mutually acceptable way.

Human life requires a million resources and conditions to survive and be happy, from oxygen to love, from shelter to purpose. Accept that you are very “needy”. But when you understand the needs that...

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Relationship Busters – Mutual Triggers: A Perfect Match

Greetings People of Personal Growth!

Last week's blog describes how our history can get in the way of our present-day efforts to find love. If you didn't see it you might want to catch it here before or after reading this real-life example. Today I am sharing the story of a client who has been working with me and gave me permission to share anonymously. Let's call the couple Amy and Rob.

Amy and Rob are a well-suited couple, attractive, successful and wanting partnership. They're making a go of living together but seem to be constantly on the verge of...

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Relationship Busters: Keep Your Finger Off the Trigger

Relationship Busters – Relationship Builders

I want to share with you some key issues that I have discovered to be at the heart of many relationship difficulties. These are disrupters to the love and happiness we all seek in companionship. I have seen couples so hurt and mad at each other, seeing their partner as a mean monster and understandably, trying to hurt them in return or get out and away.

All this can so often be the result of constructs – beliefs, behaviors and habits that produce confusion, misunderstanding and harm....

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Idolization or Inspiration: Who Is Your Hero?

Greetings All,

Who inspires you?

Today's hero may be tomorrow's villain. Columbus has his own holiday, for "discovering" America for Europeans. The conquerors always write history. But the story changes as truth comes to light.

LA recently joined several states and cities to remove Columbus Day as an official city holiday, replacing it with "Indigenous Peoples Day."

"The historical record is unambiguous in documenting the horrors Christopher Columbus and his men exacted on the native peoples he encountered. As statues aggrandizing the Confederacy topple across the South, so too should this symbol of oppression and genocide," said LA Councilman Mitch O'Farrell, a member of...

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Handle Your Heat

How Do You Handle Your Heat?  Whether it's from your mom, your own anger, or the summer sun? Energy runs everything! And you have enough, but how do you manage it? Too much and someone gets burned; too little and you are left out in the cold. What is "Just Right" for you? Whether it's body temperature, metabolism, hyperactivity and fatigue, power struggles or climate-change record temperatures, moderation is the sweet spot. And that requires control, handling heat to have the right amount to do the job. Anger as a source of power to skillfully manage will be a major...
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Adjusting to Our New Reality. Evolution Save Us!

Adjusting to Our New Reality. Evolution Save Us! Take hope progressive thinkers! The steady march of progress continues despite what seem like temporary setbacks. The ancient yogis realized that underlying the evolution of life on earth is the evolution of consciousness. It is an unstoppable force of nature and though it may seem painfully slow at times like these, it is accelerating in this Aquarian Age. Less than 50 years ago inter-racial marriage was a CRIME! (See the excellent movie Loving, of the couple who fought that for us all!!) And marriage was just recently advanced to include the gender of...
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Let’s Not Be Brats

Let's Not Be Brats We live better today than kings and queens throughout history. We have better health, longer life spans and way better physical and mental living conditions than the royalty of past. Have you noticed that this abundance of ease is breeding a culture of entitlement? How do you feel when you are stuck in traffic in your amazing modern vehicle? What do you think when the barista keeps you waiting in line for your latte? How do you feel when the love of your life doesn't say or do what you want? When "customer service" keeps you...
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Meaning of Life – Interview with GuruMeher

Meaning of Life and Holding the Two Truths in Balance BY NICOLAE TANASE ON DECEMBER 21, 2016 Nicolae Tanase: GuruMeher, what is the meaning of life? GuruMeher Khalsa: A question as big as this necessarily has more than one answer. These answers will seem contradictory or even paradoxical. In fact, the two answers I offer below illuminate why there are as many answers to this question as there are hearts and minds. First, there is no meaning of life! Life simply is. It needs no further meaning. Galaxies, bacteria and humans come and go in a constant flow. It just is what it is....
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We Evolved to Solve Problems – So Why Do We Suffer?

We Evolved to Solve Problems - So Why Do We Suffer? People have problems.  Make your mental checklist.  They range from small ones, like what to wear or eat, or how to get through your day's tasks. To medium, like how to maintain health, desirable weight, get a better job and make money, who to date or how to get along with them.  To BIG, like addiction, anxiety, illness, depression, past traumas, major loss. Do you also have global worries like war, the environment, political issues, disease and death? What are your problems? And how do your problems compare? To...
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Tears on a Plane

Hej Hej (Swedish for Hello!)

I am on a plane, for 12 hours. So I watched Collateral Beauty on the seat back screen in front of me. I like a good, sensitive movie with meaning. My wife and I call them girl movies. We say that I go to them with her and she comes to guy movies with me, just to mess with the stereotypes, cause we enjoy a nice emotional range.

But today I welled up and cried so much, so often. I wondered if my neighbors could tell. I was feeling so much more sadness and joy from...

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You have ALL the Answers – If you will just listen

You have ALL the Answers - If you will just listen I am claiming that you, everyone, can solve their problems, or at very least be at peace by way of the following method: When anything is bothering you (you feel bad), ask and answer: What am I feeling? Why am I feeling this way? What do I need to feel better? And then act on this information. If any step is incomplete, the discomfort persists. I invite anyone to test it out and prove it wrong! But there is a twist, rather a skill needed to fulfill this simple...
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Mind Is Not Enough to Solve Your Problems

Mind Is Not Enough to Solve Your Problems Premises: -You don't want problems, you want happiness. - You are equipped to know how to go from problems to happiness. - Yet so many people live in pain. Why? - Mind is not enough. It can't do it alone and wasn't designed to. Here's a little lite brain science-cum-yogic-knowledge to help you use your problem-solving, happiness-reaching equipment. The part of your brain that makes you human is: The cortex, includes the prefrontal cortex, cingulate and insula. These regions handle abstract reasoning and concepts, values, planning and the executive functions of organization,...
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How Do You Know If You Have a Soul – Emotional Couriers

How Do You Know If You Have a Soul - Emotional Couriers All of us cool Yoga people say we have a Body, Mind and Spirit. But how do you know? Like radio telescopes pointed into space waiting for a sign of life out there,  how do you pick up messages from your soul? What is the receptor? And what is the language? Words, images? Or would you taste, smell or feel soul? Feel, yes, but not with the fingers. We perceive the subtle sensations of soul in a great variety of ways. Visions and voices are the most common...
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I’m Too Spiritual To Be Angry

I'm Too Spiritual To Be Angry There's a thing I've seen that I'd like to name, with hopes we can all be sane! Call it a syndrome because it plagues many spiritual, self-improvement, yoga, meditation, religious and other communities of high-minded, well-meaning and good-hearted people. "I'm too spiritual to be angry."  There are many versions, in the form: "Good people (or your membership group here) don't (bad thought/ feeling/ action here)." Yogis don't judge, liberals aren't racist, priests aren't lustful, Christians all love, friends don't lie, soldiers aren't scared. No one says it and most don't even know they believe...
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Bring Joy To Your World

Joy: Does this Holiday mood elude you?

A client told me yesterday, "I've been busy socializing and going to a lot of parties lately. It's fun, but I actually feel less Joy than when things were quieter, when I had time to meditate. I miss that and want it back."

She was actually identifying the very nature of Joy. The pleasure we feel when stimulated by a thing can "spike" us into an experience of Joy, which is a very specific state of consciousness. It is wonderful but fleeting event that we naturally seek to sustain,...

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Not Jolly Holidays? Turn Sadness Into Love

How do the Holidays make you feel? 

I asked folks to name their most frequent difficult feelings in a Holiday Emotions workshop last weekend.  50% named Fear(Anxiety, Overwhelm, etc.) as their #1. But when I asked what heavy emotions are most common in December, Sadness (Grief and Loneliness) was for most people #1 during the Holidays. (Anger/ frustration/ resentment was 2nd.) You may not be in this majority, but many others are. If it is you that Grief visits like the Ghost of Christmas Past, you are NOT alone. But do you know where it's coming from and how to use it to...
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Commit to Happiness 

Wherever you go, go with all your heart. ~ Confucius

I want to rally you to Engage in Change; to make this a year to end suffering.

Please know that we all have challenges. My recent survey showed your top issues are the many forms of:

Fear/ Anxiety/ Stress

Anger/ Aggression

Sadness/ Loss/ Loneliness

Shame/ Self-Esteem/ Self-love

Depression vs. Motivation

It is SO valuable to talk honestly and help each other. Remember that each of these has a job to do leads to Peace when used properly.

Now, once you see the pain, name the change(s) you want. Next find...

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When  Gratitude Eludes You – Awaken the Thanks-Giving Heart

I spoke with an old friend who's having the hardest challenge of her life right now. Health crisis, money crisis, friends and family, living situation...by many measures the worst time of her life. It's Thanksgiving, but what's to be grateful for?

Many times we don't feel what we are SUPPOSED to feel. You may find it difficult and yourself resentful to be thankful on command this Thursday, especially if there are some things you are definitely NOT thankful for. You have the ability to target and go to a positive experience. It's a life-affirming skill to practice.

Since emotions are...

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Holidays – Happy or Heavy? Handling Holiday Emotions

In a recent workshop I asked how people were honestly feeling about the upcoming holidays. Here were the most popular responses: Anger, frustrations, irritations, resentments

Fear, anxiety, worried, "feeling trapped"

Grief, sadness, loneliness, regrets, longing/ missing

Good old Guilt and Shame (not approved of or good enough) Depression, apathy, uselessness, disempowered. Need a cup of holiday "cheer" to get in the spirit anyone? When we can't feel spirit, we may reach for 'spirits'.

Problem: Winter and Holidays bring up a lot of heavy emotions.

Why this common phenomenon? Childhood, home and family are the formative source of our personality, beliefs and ongoing issue-lessons....

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Become Un-Numb: Safely Recover Your Sensitivity

Difficult situations bring on uncomfortable emotions. Their purpose is to grab your attention, provoke you to take care of yourself,  and remedy the problem so you may return to feeling good.

When we don't work with emotions to a resolution, they persist in a dedicated effort to help. This makes them seem like evil enemies, weaknesses, and a painful problem in themselves.

Not knowing their benefits, we try to avoid these emotional messages, to ignore, deny, resist, react, distract, disassociate, go numb, medicate... We invent countless creative ways to NOT FEEL and NOT DEAL with what we feel. When life...

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A Sensitive Subject

Have you noticed that people getting more "touchy", quicker to be upset. Or that you get overwhelmed with feelings, that the intensity of others' disturbs you? From political movements to intimate relationships there is a lot of hyper-sensitivity that increases pressure and stress.

A lot of you tell me you feel too sensitive and that it is painful.  The trend will continue; this is an adaptation to the speed of life and amount of information coming at us. It's a faster way of understanding complexity. So, I want you to experience that sensitivity, that empathy, that awareness as the GIFT that it is. You can enjoy it when...

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THE CUPID PARADOX

The Romans had it right with Cupid, their god of Relationships. Cupid, the son of the Mercury (god of communication) and Venus (goddess of Love),  was a winged sprite that wore armor and shot love-arrows through the hearts of innocent victims. He perfectly represents the inherent paradox we all deal with in relationships -  we must open our hearts to receive love, but then we are vulnerable to being hurt.

No one wants to get hurt.  The urge to protect is a survival instinct - it's a biological priority and a primary need.  But a truly, embodied, self-actualized...

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EMOTIONAL ANOREXIA? FEED YOURSELF LOVE

Are you an Emotional Anorexic?  Do you live on dangerously low levels of love?

Most of us have a pattern of love set by our early life.  This early "diet" - created not only by our parents, but also by our peers and cultural environment - tends to dictate the amount, type, and conditions we expect and our actual love "metabolism" - what we can actually process.

When we are trained in a love-lean environment, we continue to find ourselves living off of similar proportions.  And though you may crave more, you actually subconsciously limit the love you allow yourself...

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Don’t Let Your History Confine Your Heart

Is this you, or have you ever seen anything like this?  You, or a someone you know, is in a perfectly loving relationship.  Everything is cozy and complete.  But you or your friend feel scared.  You're not satisfied.  Everything is great, but it's just not enough.  So you leave!

Meanwhile, your partner is giving with their whole being.  They are happy in the relationship and willing to work hard to make it grow.  Their only upset is that they are frustrated when all the love they give is rejected.

Be honest, are you been running...

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Your Year of Emotional Health

Was there anything about last year that you didn't feel good about? Those feelings are your clues to what you want to improve this year.  The question is, do you pick up and follow the clues? That's what Senses of the Soul is all about, listening to your emotions so that you know what you want and what you need to do to get it.  Do you know what will make you feel better about this year and your life?  Emotional Health!

Emotional Health is when you neither suppress your emotions nor let them overwhelm you and run...

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Even Yogis Get The Blues

Everybody always wants to feel cozy and bright as the weather turns cold and the days dark. In pursuit of that common goal, there is a lot of cultural prompting to do so, but little real support. You can't be of good cheer on command, that comes only when you have truly taken care of yourself and all that would be blocking the flow of spirit. In the winter time, humans are naturally more reserved and inward looking, it's a time more appropriate for us to burrow in, to rest, review and restore - just like many...

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Happiness is Your Natural State

Want to feel happy? Happiness is not a distinct emotion, but rather the experience of one or more emotions that are enjoyed as positive. This can vary greatly from person to person and from time to time. I have come to enjoy sadness as a rich, bittersweet longing of my heart. Pain "for a purpose" like sacrificing for a greater goal can bring happiness.  More typically, security, tranquility, affection and most pleasurable sensations are the kinds of conditions in which people will say they feel happy. By this definition, finding happiness is a matter of experiencing these...

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Quench the Fire of Craving and Desire

Do you ever feel needy, hungry, cranky, insatiable and out of control or empty no matter what you get? You know the feelings well: an emptiness in the belly, a burning in the groin, or a longing in the heart. Your pulse, thoughts and energies grow from mild to wild the longer you go without the object of your desire. When Desire dominates your consciousness you will be needy, always hungry, ever on the hunt, lustful, insatiable, obsessive, addictive; you will never get enough.

Desire is just trying to do its tireless work to keep you fed and happy on all levels When you are emotional,...

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it’s crazy out there. Make Your SELF Safe

If you're following any source of news media (and I fully recommend carefully managing your intake) you know it's just getting crazier out there. The speed and intensity of huge changes is creating fear and overwhelm. Our collective inability to handle that is causing a second tier of problems like epidemic opioid use. Is it getting to you? What to do? Don't take it on! The world is not yours to manage. It is your world that you must handle.You can make a safe space in and around yourself. As for your external surroundings and relationships, there are very clear-cut practical processes you can...
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Working Out Conflicts is an Inside Job

Working Out Conflicts is an Inside Job

“When you feel beautiful inside, fulfilled inside, inside your own inside, wow, it’s so good."

– Yogi Bhajan

Wow, life just never stops coming at us. We have responsibilities, current and ongoing challenges to handle daily. Then there are past incomplete issues weighing in, and anticipation of the future and attempting to control it. There’s a lot to work out.

Here’s a life-coaching strategy for dealing with all of your worldly conflicts:

Work things out from the INSIDE.

Our impulse is to go out there and gather some praise and love. This...

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9 Survival Skills for the Holidays

I hope you get along great with your family, but in that crucible of survival many habit-forming harms happened. Even if outright abuse was avoided (and the statistics are sad), our subconscious holds the shocks and shapes our lives to react like tsunami survivors.

Many of us return to ground zero this time of year, so gear up for those triggers and know how to become immune. That is, to live as you, free of the fear and smallness you once (and may still) live with.

Studies of disaster survivors reveal the 9 key traits and abilities that determine who...

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Define and Defy Your Trauma

We all have our history of hurts. What happened to you? Your story shapes your life for better or worse. Your recovery process from life’s traumas leads you to suffer or thrive. We either learn and grow or remain hurt and damaged. So let’s understand this natural, lifelong process, and do it with skill. Yes, Survival and Recovery are learnable skills, and we all need them!

You were born with all the equipment you need to heal, to become strong and whole in any circumstance. Your emotions, especially the heavy ones that don’t feel good, are essential partners in the...

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Finding my Light: Connie’s Shame-to-Self-Love Diary

Week 1

I can think of times where I compare myself to others and if it seems that there is someone better at what I want to do, then I don’t try at all. It’s sometimes an arbitrary, snap judgement I make. I have been in new situations where my self-talk has kept me from meeting new people. I would hang back and wait for people to come to me. It brings to mind school dances where you’re waiting to be asked, but then there’s that one person that just doesn’t care and just goes out and dances by themselves...

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A Better Recipe for Self-Esteem: The Purpose of Shame

A Better Recipe for Self-Esteem: The Purpose of Shame

In “YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED! (...until you love yourself)”, we identified the family of feelings that are Shame, because knowing WHAT you are feeling is the first step to transforming it. We looked at its origins and a bit about reclaiming Self-Esteem, which is Shame’s gift.

The Higher Purpose and Use of Shame

- Self-Image is initially formed by external impressions - levels of caring or abuse from others.

When that input leads us to believe something is wrong with us, not good enough, unwanted, unlovable, it’s a horrible to live life...

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YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED! (…until you love yourself)

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED! (...until you love yourself)

Things to know about Shame...

What it is:

- Embarrassment, Humiliation, Not good enough, Low self-worth, Perfectionism, Inferiority

- Shame deals with what you think of yourself, and how you are affected by what others think.

- It deals with the conflict between fitting in and being true to yourself.

- There is a lot of Comparing and Competing.

We have all been treated poorly at times to a greater or lesser degree. The greater the abuse or neglect, the lower our self-image. Think about your highest or lowest memories of...

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Burned Out? Sadness & Depression Want to Help

Burned Out? Sadness & Depression Want to Help

Problem: Feeling Sadness, Depression, or Burn Out. SOS Solution: Let these emotions help you to let go and renew.

Many of us are living at wit's end, and just can't stop. We live in a very ambitious caffeine-driven stimulus-intense time. Many feel guilty, lazy or unworthy when they are not busy and productive. We all want to be happy and full of energy, but life requires a balance of up time and downtime.

Depression and Sadness (Grief) come to bring some much-needed letting go. To let them help you, first you must know...

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The Purpose of Grief

The Purpose of Grief

When things change; When something is lost or dies; When you are heartbroken, sad, and lonely, pining for the past, longing for what you miss; When the hopes and dreams you have set your heart on look like they won't happen; Or when you need to get cozy and quiet to get in touch with your heart, to mend your wounds and care for yourself . . .

Grief and Sadness slow you down and bring a soft energy that allows you to look deep inside and feel what is most important; to know what you...

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Good Grief!

Good Grief!

Grief is good. When you feel sadness, loneliness, regret, your heart is open, strong and caring. It hurts, yes, and you don't like that pain. But have the courage to dive deep into that heartache which is demanding your attention. Hidden beneath the bitter feeling is a bittersweet longing that reveals what matters most. Your awakened heart can then show you where to find it. When you listen.

Every person you ever see has felt and will often feel their heart pierced by the loss of things held dear. Nothing can stop CHANGE on the physical plane! Sadness...

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What We Found in Grief

What We Found in Grief

The online Emotional Liberation Class has spent the month of August finding the gifts of Grief. Here are some of their stories to help you do the same:

Quite a week! I didn't realize how big Grief and Sadness are for me. In this week's meditation good memories that I had forgotten arose first. There WAS some good in my hard childhood. I reclaimed some beautiful parts of myself that were buried. Then I faced the pain. I broke down with sadness and crying for the losses, Since they occurred i just never stopped and...

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Trust Truth! Who’s Truth?

Trust Truth! Who's Truth?

If you want to live with confidence and clarity to move through life’s many choices, you need an unwavering source of guidance. Lucky for you it is built in. The feelings of Guilt are meant to guide you. Where? To your truth, the decider of your actions. But how to sort through all the noise of thoughts and opinions inside and out, that chaos called duality that causes conflict?

The simple answer is, quiet the mind and listen to your heart. When you feel that downward pressure like the ground falling away from beneath you, taking...

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Guilt – Your Right to Choose

Guilt - Your Right to Choose

How do you know what's right? Plenty of people want to tell you what's right and wrong, what you should do. But there are always at least two sides, and they are usually in conflict with each other. When that conflict is inside your own head that's a war that can wear you out.

There are so many choices. Everybody wants to sell you their beliefs, convince you, win you over or force you to take their political stance, religious belief, opinion or way of doing things. You can't decide and you live with...

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Depressions Gifts

Chances are you or somebody you know is or has been Depressed. 350 million people globally and 7% of Americans are diagnosed with major depression. But 50% of all people with major depression go without diagnosis or treatment.

Women are 70% more likely to be depressed than men, 11% of children by age 18, 30% of college students report it, and 11% of 65+ yr. elders. Why so? What is our problem?

Let's ask a different question. What if depression isn't the problem but is our innate intelligence working on a solution? I have helped many people with depression from...

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SOS Toolkit

Greetings!

We've talked about how to the SOS method is done, I've given you a PDF printout of exercises that help build the emotional connection, and I sent you a video that goes over the SOS Method all together. Today, I'm sharing a meditation that will give you the SOS experience!  Watch the video, practice the meditation and then email me to let me know how it goes! If you still need one-on-one coaching, email me!

Blessings,

GuruMeher

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Enjoy Joy

I challenge you to make extreme well-being and contentment your new "normal".

It is a truth realized by many advanced souls, that profound Peace, Joy, and all the higher states of consciousness are woven into the very fabric of creation. All beings feel them when there is nothing blocking that flow. This is hard to believe if one has lived with years of suffering. But the fact is that the more you remove the external and internal sources of your suffering, the more you tap into Bliss. It's like free Wi Fi!

A...

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Discover It

A New Understanding of Emotions.
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Get Into It

Get Your Emotional Life in Shape.
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Experience It

Get Relief with Practical Exercises.
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Hallmark Emotions – Love On Demand

No sooner have the Holidays passed than the next commercial holiday rushes in with red hearts and flowers. Like it or not there’s a message: you should be in a wonderful relationship feeling all the good stuff.  I'm all for love and intimacy, but what if your situation doesn’t meet expectations and feelings don't conform to the February 14th schedule? You might feel a little empty, like something's wrong with you.

 

Hallmark Cards and FTD Florists are not to blame; they just bring to light our hungers and our hunter instinct. We all have physical needs like water and...

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Address Your Feelings – You’ll be Rewarded

Use and Misuse of Emotions: Address, Express, or Repress Most of the trouble and bad reputation of emotions comes from improper use.  The two main forms of misuse are opposites: to Express and Repress.

Expression means “to come out” and implies here that the emotion is in charge.  It takes control of your words and actions; IT expresses itself through you, while the real you is lost.  You react instinctively and instantly with no filter.  Desire is acted upon no matter what the consequences.  You lash out at those you love, pushing them further away.  Fear has you run and...

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Dealing with Feelings

Happiness depends on feeling good. Beyond being well-fed and pain free, your well-being requires peaceful thoughts and flourishing emotions. Yogis know that every thought generates a feeling. That’s a lot of emotions!

After years of yoga practice and working as a life coach, I have come to understand that the emotions are a vital part of our body-mind-spirit sensory equipment. Just as your five physical senses serve to navigate your body, you have emotions to explore and understand how life is going for you here on earth. Your emotions are allies and guides, leading you toward feeling Divine amidst the...

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