Are you an Emotional Anorexic?  Do you live on dangerously low levels of love?

Most of us have a pattern of love set by our early life.  This early “diet” – created not only by our parents, but also by our peers and cultural environment – tends to dictate the amount, type, and conditions we expect and our actual love “metabolism” – what we can actually process.

When we are trained in a love-lean environment, we continue to find ourselves living off of similar proportions.  And though you may crave more, you actually subconsciously limit the love you allow yourself to receive.  This causes a lot of pain and sorrow.

Unfortunately, like most people with a withholding condition, that pain become a form of bittersweet fulfillment, a “next best” emotional state.  Most people tend to enter into a feedback loop of feeling pain but unconsciously seeking experiences that drive more of it- like an lonely Valentine’s Day, a date-less wedding event, or a solo Friday night – in order to feel “complete.” This is how Dante imagined purgatory (which is neither heaven nor hell): Starving people chained just out of reach of a table full of luscious food.

In order to perpetuate this pattern, in which we are comfortable, we tell ourselves that there is a scarcity of love.  There aren’t any good men or women out there.  Or your not a good man or woman.  Either way, we tell ourselves there isn’t enough.  But that just isn’t true.

Love is abundant, infinite and limitless. Love sometimes get’s expressed through people and things, but is actually boundless and has no exclusive source.  From this perspective, going without love is like standing in the all- you-can-eat buffet wondering why there is no food for you to eat.

Want out of that cycle? Everyone else is filling their plate.  You can too!


 1- Recognize the Pattern – Just seeing the pattern will initiate change. By seeing this as a pattern but not the only reality, the mind knows there is another possibility and looks for a way out.

2- Be willing to leave the safety and comfort of a life without love – Never having closeness with anyone does avoid a lot of problems. Aloneness IS easier than dealing with a real person. But if you want a relationship, and most do, you have to be willing to move our of your comfort zone.  Some people decide, upon clear review, that they really do prefer living with themselves as partner.  This could be you, but don’t assume it is, do some soul-searching.

3- Don’t hold out for conditions – You don’t need a better partner, a perfect partner or even a partner at all.  If you are committed to experiencing love, you can start no matter where you are and what you have.  Don’t hold out.

4.  Start a Self-Love Makeover  – The best place to begin experiencing love is with yourself.  One of my favorite Rumi quote challenges, “Start a huge project. Like Noah!” A Self-Love Makeover is big endeavor, but can you think of any project more worthy?

For a lot of people, myself included, Self-Love is a hard place to jump to.  Self-meanness and negative self-talk is an all-too-common, extremely damaging habit.  Instead of trying to get to Self-Love right away and then getting mad at yourself when it doesn’t work, try starting with Self-Niceness.  Treat yourself graciously.  Do intentional acts of self-kindness like a taking simple walks in nature, presenting yourself with tokens of love, and praising yourself.  Give yourself time for rest, fun, money, friends, and meaningful work.  If you can manage just to be nice to yourself, you’ll be really far along in your journey!

Kick off your project on Valentine’s Day. Use the weekend to take some significant steps.

Then tell me on Facebook how your Self-Love Project is going!

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