No sooner have the Holidays passed than the next commercial holiday rushes in with red hearts and flowers. Like it or not there’s a message: you should be in a wonderful relationship feeling all the good stuff. I’m all for love and intimacy, but what if your situation doesn’t meet expectations and feelings don’t conform to the February 14th schedule? You might feel a little empty, like something’s wrong with you.
Hallmark Cards and FTD Florists are not to blame; they just bring to light our hungers and our hunter instinct. We all have physical needs like water and warmth which train us to go out in search of survival and satisfaction. But if you have time to read this, those survival needs are handled well enough to be pursuing subtler inner needs like your sense of security, support, confidence and purpose. These mental and emotional needs are internal conditions and can be met with your own resources. You have reached a point in your own evolution that you can feed yourself; in fact, you must.
We may as easily feel unloved within relationships or happy alone: the outer situation doesn’t guarantee the desired inner condition. Those all-important happiness-defining variables within your head and heart are – or can be – under your control. That includes love. When you don’t know how to give and receive love as a self-contained unit you feel dependent, small and weak. Then you go looking and start bargaining and sacrificing pieces of your sanctity in exchange for what you can get.
You don’t have to wander hoping for love like a beggar, vulnerable to random generosity and changing mood and of passers-by. It’s not that you have to steel up and go it alone. But pause that go-out-there-and-get-‘em chase and start at home. Search your heart; sit still and patiently explore the vast inner universe. When you experience your ability to give yourself what you most want, that you are a self-contained, self-fulfilling system, you never go begging again. You enjoy being the master of your domain.
Whether your relationships fit the Hallmark standard – or even your own – or not, send yourself some flowers and a nice card of appreciation well before Valentine’s Day. Sit before these gifts as acts of your own love and let it feed your heart and spirit. Want guaranteed, reliable and sustainable love and intimacy? Learn what you want most, then generously give and receive it directly. Be the one you’ve always longed for.